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Category Archives: Musings

HOW DO I FORGET THIS?!

So, I always forget I have this damn thing. I’m just going to link it to my main facebook account, I mean this is only a pen name after all! I haven’t got any friends who exactly dwell the same parts of the internet all the time, so I guess what I use the pen name for is safe until further notice.

So, I suppose this is what I’ve been waiting for. The moment where I can start over and officially say, “This is me! This is my work!” I think I have that now. I think that everyone should get the luxury of starting over. I find many times its easier to start from scratch. That’s not to say that you should always walk away from problems, but for progress to ever be truly made, you have to be willing to throw things away. I start like 3 poems a day and  I never keep any of them. Seriously. I write them, finish them sometimes, and then flat out throw them away. You can’t move forward attached to what you already have! Those who have nothing have nothing to lose!!!

So, I’ve managed to make money off of smut. Frankly, this is something I’ve talked about for a long time with friends, though no one took me seriously. I didn’t take me seriously. But I am now happily expecting a royalty check from the most hard core man sex novel I’ve ever read and/or worked on in my life. Like this is some crazy fangirl stuff that I’d write about in my free time. Neck-Tie outsold my other titles COMBINED. My Sempai is a sweet love story about two dudes, Full Bloom is a sweet love story about two dudes (and a sister), and then there’s Neck-Tie. A sadistic lawyer gets a pet. It’s hard core. It’s intense. It’s borderline morally wrong. It’s delicious to read. Which certainly explains the sales.

In the interest of hopefully drumming up business and shameless promotion here is the link on good ole amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Neck-Tie-Yaoi-Manga-ebook/dp/B00798N6NY/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1345481634&sr=8-2&keywords=Neck-tie

The other two books are on Amazon as well.

This post is sponsored by my manga series though. Let me tell you why this is important to me. I’m poor. Not joking. I’ve got about 6 dollars TO MY NAME. The royalty check from Neck-Tie is literally a utility bill with a little money left over. Talk about lifesaver right?

Do you know what that does to a person? Terrible things. I’ve been depending on my hubby to help me make ends meet. Poverty does awful things to a person’s soul, but incredible things for their writing. I’ve written more then I ever have in a long time. I intend to become a comic book writer, I hope to write superhero comics for a spell and then later in life settle into some creator owned stuff. I’ll be a real Jimmy Palmiotti or Mark Millar when this is over. Ideally. If I stay poor like this, I think I can pull that off. My writing has never been more raw and driven. That’s why musicians always fucking suck when they get famous. Hip-hop songs about trying to make it aren’t as good about hip-hop songs about having made it. That’s just how it works. So, since I cannot give the world my talents in a job, I will give it my words instead.

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Posted by on August 20, 2012 in Musings, Uncategorized

 

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WB

Well now, I should be just ashamed of myself. I’ve gone and deserted my online obligations as an aspiring writer. The online universe is somehow missing me I feel, (yeah right), so now I must come back. Hopefully in the time I’ve been gone the internet community didn’t miss me too much. Okay, enough false bravado, onwards to better things.

I feel delightful right now. Really. I feel like life could in fact get a whole shit ton better, but that’s okay. I could be richer, so that my electric bill wouldn’t fall behind another fucking time this year. I could be prettier, so I wouldn’t feel so awkward and silly when I try on clothes or look at magazines. I could be more famous, so that so many people know who I am that I don’t even have to try to have quality friendships because I’m so famous it wouldn’t even matter. But you know, I’ve begrudgingly accepted that those things are not for me. They probably never will be. Because I’m a fucking writer. Because somehow, my brain processes me spending too much time smoking pot and thinking of story development as a better source of life income then me actually doing a lot of work towards something. Yet, somehow it feels like a lot of work anyways. I find myself looking around at my apartment and wondering how I can get the fine things other people enjoy so casually. But then I remember why I don’t try to get them. Because at heart, I know I am greedy, and one thing will never stop at one thing. So, I commit myself to the one thing I can always get more of, it feeds me, satisfies the never ending craving for more things that are “mine”. I commit myself to the written word, and it makes me feel better. Not perfect, but better. And sometimes I have so many words in my life that I drown in them, and it leaves me drifting to the bottom of everything I know, and for a moment, I’m just in the salty knowledge of everything in my world, and I feel good. I feel too good to ever drag myself back out. So I just sink, further and further into my words and my books, and my small quiet life of loud thoughts. I sit in my too small room in my too small apartment and I can’t help but think, “This is the shit that killed Hemingway.”

 
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Posted by on April 20, 2011 in Musings